..........yes that is true...........
political links
Dennis Kucinich
Howard Dean
ZMAG
Michael Moore
Move on
Independent Media Center
Progressive
The Nation
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
humourous blogs
Witt and Wisdom
Tequila Mockingbird
Patent Pending
Rama Hughes
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Gandhi
"Whenever I despair, I remember that the way of truth and love has always won. There may be tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they may seem invincible, but in the end, they always fail. Think of it: always."
Micheal Moore
"We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president.
We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons.
Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush.
Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you.
And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up."
Thank you very much."
Martin Luther King Jr.
"All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Hermann Goering
"Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.."
Albert Einstein
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Winston Churchill
"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
Mark Twain
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. "
Oscar Wilde
"I am not young enough to know everything."
Confucius
"Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star."
"Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it."
Friedrich Nietzsche
"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently."
Henry David Thoreau
"Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it."
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment."
"Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."
Napoleon Bonaparte
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
Soren Aabye Kierkegaard
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
Salvador Dali
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
H. H. Munro
"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
Aldous Huxley
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
"At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols."
Frank Zappa
"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."
Jimi Hendrix
"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."
Sacha Guitry
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
Mae West
"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
Jean-Paul Sartre
"Hell is other people."
Adlai Stevenson
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
William Congreve
"Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd."
Oscar Wilde
"I am not young enough to know everything."
Charles Dickens
"He would make a lovely corpse."
Anais Nin
"When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow."
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. "
Plato
"An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics."
Budda
"Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true."
John Lubbock
"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
Ursula K. LeGuin
"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next."
Kahlil Gibran
"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."
"The most pitiful among men is he who turns his dreams into silver and gold."
"Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror."
1.31.2004
reshapening nails
i just watched 'win a date with tad hamilton' and it was cute. it wasnt as romantic as 'love actually' or funny as 'along came polly' but it was cute. i mean i wasnt going there to see either, so it worked out. i certainly didnt want to see something which would make me run to harry hines for a prostitue due to my lack of a bf or 'significant other.' do they have male prostitues on harry hines? but i do want a guy best friend, pref someone who looks like josh duhamel and has the personality of topher grace. josh has one great body. hmm rethinking my list.
men i would gladly sleep with anyday of the week bc of thier looks: those of them who i dont think u know, i linked it.
1. josh duhamel
2. brad pitt in fight club
3. micheal vartan
4. David Fumero olfl, soap opera
5. David Anders , alias
6. Mark-Paul Gosselaar
7. Hugh Grant
8. Cillian Murphy
9. matthew mcconaughey
10. johnny depp
11. Ryan Phillippe
12. Shane West
13. rodigo santora, guy in 'love actually' who that bitch wouldnt sleep with
14. simon baker
15. Bobby Cannavale
16. orlando bloom
17. Aiden Turner olfl, soap opera
18. Cameron Mathison amc, soap opera
19. jared leto
20.
this is why you should watch soap operas. i shit u not. but who am i missing? tell me!
since this was in the movie and therefore in my head, i will place the lyrics here.
Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too
The problem is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
squibbled Nis at 9:01 PM
something simple
i woke up rested and warm. now im queasy and cold. cold is understandable. but queasy? queasy, since i have placed the cal book in front of me. accidentally, i glance upon it, which sends shivers upon my back and brain. i remember what this week holds; what horror fri will encompass. i must venture into it, and refresh (relearn) what i have learned during the past few weeks in order to be successful on my test this fri. back to the painful routine of taking tests and such. drag. damn u school. i see no need for calculus in my future. of course, my future is quite undecided. yet, i wont be a math geek. not saying all math ppl are geeks, but ...u are. although my stereotype that science ppl are geeks is quite wrong. A. Dr. Sibert. No one can say that for a 35-40 year old man, he is not a handsome, sexy piece of hunky chocolate. haha. haha. lol. lol. b. Stephen, danny, frederico c. ryan and ty d. leaner guy. the insanity.
for shit and giggles...mad tv w/ ms. swan. if u dont know who ms. swan is, she is an old, fat chinese with a high pitched voice.
Ms. Swan: Alex Borstein
Hotline Customer: Will Sasso
(Will Sasso is watching television when the football game suddenly cuts to a sex hotline commercial.)
Advertisement Announcer: (Erotic Jazz music plays in the background) Hey, stud. I've got some dirty little secrets I've got to tell somebody. Why not you? Call the number on your screen for a hot, raunchy X-rated sex talk with one of our naughty, foxy girls. So what are you waiting for? Call now.
(Will Sasso picks up the phone and dials the hotline number.)
Ms. Swan: Hellooooo? Gorgeous Pretty Beauty Nail Salon.
Hotline Customer: (Surprised) Huh? Wha- Who- I'm sorry, I thought this was a 976 number.
Ms. Swan: Okay, now hold on--
(Ms. Swan pins down her dress.)
Ms. Swan: Hellooooo? Foxy lady, I talk crazy dirty talk fo you, you gonna like it, mistah.
Hotline Customer: (Smiling) Wow, uh... Gee, uh... To tell you the truth, I've never called one of these before, so I'm a little nervous.
Ms. Swan: Okay, don't you worry, I'm gonna do every'ting, okay? You just sit back and enjoy the ride, Mistah Horny.
Hotline Customer: Right, great.
Ms. Swan: Okay, I'm gonna turn you on---
Hotline Customer: All right, go ahead.
Ms. Swan: Okay, you ready? Here goes: Ooooooooooooooooooh. (Short pause) Okay, that's it, good bye!
Hotline Customer: No! Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second! Wait, wait! I don't mean to be rude, but I'm going to need a little more than that.
Ms. Swan: Okay, okay, I tell you every'ting.
Hotline Customer: All right, well, uh... You know what, why don't you tell me, uh, do you look like a celebrity? Do you look like anyone famous?
Ms. Swan: Okay, yeah, you know, all the time people teh me I looka like a Bjork.
Hotline Customer: (Confused) You look like a Buick?
Ms. Swan: No, I looka like a Bjork. You know, that singah* from Iceland.
Hotline Customer: Forget about that, why don't you tell me about your hooters. You got big boobs?
Ms. Swan: Okay, yeah, you know they are so big, sometimes I cannot even stand up.
(The hotline customer changes from smiling to disgusted.)
Hotline Customer: What?
Ms. Swan: Y-yeah, too big? Okay, yah, you know, like-a big a little big a little.
Hotline Customer: Okay, which one are they? Are they big or are they little?
Ms. Swan: Okay, you know they little, but they have a BIG GIANT NIPPLE.
(Will Sasso chokes.)
Hotline Customer: Okay, you know what? Forget about that, just tell me about your legs. Are they nice and long?
Ms. Swan: Yah, they long enough to touch the floor!
Hotline Customer: Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha! It's a joke! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! No, really. Why don't you tell me about your legs. What do they look like?
Ms. Swan: You teh me about your legs!
Hotline Customer: No, tell me about your legs. What do they--
Ms. Swan: No, you go!
Hotline Customer: No, you! Tell me--
Ms. Swan: You go!
Hotline Customer: No!
Ms. Swan: You!
Hotline Customer: Tell me what your legs look--
Ms. Swan: (Crying) Why you treat me like a piece of meat?
Hotline Customer: No, that has nothing to do with meat! I'm the one paying here, I'm paying for this!
Ms. Swan: Oh, calm down, mistah, it's only $19.95 a minute, mistah cheap man!
Hotline Customer: (Shocked) $19.95 A MINUTE?!! (Clasping hand over mouth) Oh my-- I must be in for like 60 bucks. Okay, lady, listen-- Cut the small talk and let's get to the sexy stuff, allright?
Ms. Swan: Okay, you no say sexy before!
Hotline Customer: (Impatiently) Well I'm saying it now!
Ms. Swan: Okay...
Hotline Customer: I NEED A FANTASY HERE!
Ms. Swan: Okay...
Hotline Customer: ALL RIGHT! Okay, okay. You come home. It's late.
Ms. Swan: Okay.
Hotline Customer: You're hot. You lie down.
Ms. Swan: Ohhhhh... I am so hot...
Hotline Customer: Yeah? Yeah? There 'ya go.
Ms. Swan: Ohhhhh.... I am hot...
Hotline Customer: Oh, what's getting you so hot?
Ms. Swan: Oh, I have a heat rash from a cheap pantyhose! Ohh...
Hotline Customer: Okay, lady, listen-- I'm not paying 20 bucks a minute to hear about your problems! You put on another girl.
Ms. Swan: Okay. Hold on.
(Ms. Swan lowers her phone down from her ear and holds it back up again to her ear.)
Ms. Swan: Hellooooooo?
Hotline Customer: Wait, waitaminute--- Who's this?
Ms. Swan: Another girl---
Hotline Customer: Okay, bring me your supervisor!
Ms. Swan: 'Kay, hold on---
(Ms. Swan stands up, turns around, and then walks up to her cashier.)
Ms. Swan: Hellooooooo? Supervisor?
Hotline Customer: I know that's you! I know that's you! I want my money back!
Ms. Swan: Okay, thank you for calling, $114 dollah will be charged to your phone bill, and you call again, and you ask 'fo Swan.
Hotline Customer: What kind of a rip-off are you---
(Ms. Swan hangs up the phone and gets another call.)
Ms. Swan: Helloooooooo? Foxy lady, dirty talk for you, I put every'ting in my mouth! (short pause) Oh, Sistah Helen, you needa pedicure? Okay. Howbout we do it any day but Sunday, 'cause that no good for you. Okay, okay.
squibbled Nis at 12:00 PM
1.30.2004
hibernation
i cut my nails really short and now it hurts. actually i cut it fine, but i spend too much time filing it.
i feel sick. pms is a piece of shit. my dad is vacuuming. er. i hate vacuuming. of course i dont care since im not doing it but its loud. and our vacuum cleaner says "whispertone." whispering my ass. that thing hates me too. h-a-t-e-s me. all vacuums do for that matter. i shit u not. they do. they break when i touch them. they start spewing ghastly gas or decide not to do the job its meant for. it never listens when u kick them either.
we saw stephen today, but we actually talked to him.
picto:
berkner
!---sidewalk
! y
! y
! y [] x
! y x
! x--- ~
! X --- where i realized that he heading for us
! x
! x
x *path breaks into two*
x
x=us
y=him
***=trees
~="THERES NOWHERE TO GO"
[]=no direct convo was made. as seen no face to face. just walking by kinda thing.
there was nowhere we could go. no where. but it went ok. then we had lab, and it went fine. see now everything’s ok. theres no more fear. why do i keep filing my nails? come on dumbass. hes so overdone eh? ahh good times, good times.
well sunny and carly are broken up. damn u lorenzo. im talking about gh (general hospital)...(soap opera). carly what are u thinking going with that fool! hes not as hot as sunny. sunny is hot. damn fine, sexy. and how dare zander try to kill nicholas. u cant kill of the hot guys. ahh zander should leave, hes ugly. and ehw on oltl, jens mom is dating her ex. thats sick. u cant date ur kids ex bfs. ehw. gross. shiver. antonia is gone. thats sad. he was hot. ohh man, was he hot. um.
im in denial that its winter. im wearing a beater. if fucking cold in the house; im nipping. theres a nonsequitur. i love james taylor. i cant believe it fri. damn i just went for the nail file again.
what u doing nissy? huh. well at least i didnt look ugly today. well actually i wouldnt know. i dont think i looked ugly today. and he did NOT look hot at all. it was some old stephen. ew.
since u missed sibert taking off shirt, i mean "jugaging," heres a song for u.
Go make your next choice be your best choice
And if you're looking for a boy with a voice, well baby I'm single
Are you in the mood for some dude, are you in the mood to be subdued
Or would you rather just mingle?
Let's get set then to go then and let us jet set we'll be like the jetsons
You can be Jane my wife. Should I marry Jane tonight?
I would if I could. I'd do most anything spontaneously.
Or we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
We can cool in the gang if you'd rather hang
Ain't no thing. I can be lacubrious with you.
I got no ifs ands ors no wits or whats about it
But this place is getting crowded and my house is two blocks away
Or maybe closer
I would if I could. I'd do most anything spontaneously.
You know I would, if I could. I'll do anything spontaneously.
If you could be nimble, you'd have it simple just like me.
So go on and try it, do not deny yourself your freedom.
So step on up to the plate get a date with mraz
See you better act fast because supplies they never
Now did you knowE this is limited time offer
So go make your mind up before our times up
You better start winding it up because the party's almost over
(and if you should know girl, go a little bit lower now)
see how I would, if I could. I'd do most anything spontaneously.
You know I would, and I can prove it. I'll do anything spontaneously.
---jason mraz---Ill Do Anything
squibbled Nis at 3:37 PM
1.29.2004
anthrax
screw you dr. gavva cause was it really ness that i learn about that? huh. i dont think so. god im feel so dead. fucking paper.
now i have to do cal. ehw. should i bother today or tomm? tomm it is. im not going to understand anythign today anyway.
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can’t remember who to send it to
I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again
Won’t you look down upon me, jesus
You’ve got to help me make a stand
You’ve just got to see me through another day
My body’s aching and my time is at hand
And I won’t make it any other way
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again
Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
To come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I’d see you one more time again
There’s just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I’d see you, thought I’d see you fire and rain, now
---james taylor---fire and rain
squibbled Nis at 9:25 PM
ah
ill do anything to take up time. 2 min exactly. i told myself in 2 min i would leave this chair and go search for the article. boo boo boo boo
fucking piece of shit. who the fuck cares about anthrax. i dont for sure. i really really dont. no sign of []. unmentioned for many reasons. time to go.
squibbled Nis at 11:30 AM
1.28.2004
hebetude
Ive had a spiffy day, how bout u? u may wonder, well how would i describe today? hmm, close encounters. thats the perfect word. p-e-r-f-e-c-t.
so cal was ok. not as boring as the past few days were. but i sat there reading the newsweek amy brought for me with the hot pic of howard dean. yum. i mean y-u-m. we officially have a "stare'r' " guy, who doesnt even care that we know that hes staring at us.
then we had chem. our seat was taken so we ended up sitting really close to sibert. no harm done; wink, wink. for as amy says, "what an ass!" w-h-o would deny?
then off we went to the library to write the anthrax article. the official day of close encounters began. we walked in, laughing, and musing, we're about to enter the library part of the ....library... when amy screeches "NISSY, STEPHENS HERE!." im the blind bat, and she is the owl with spectacular vision. "WHAT!." stephen lay 50 ft or less from us, wrapped in his book coming straight our way. i want to go to the stairs but amy tells me that we would run into him, and how rite she was! what would i do without her? WHAT WHAT WHAT. so we take a U and detour. as we are walking, amy thru her great owl vision says, that 'he saw us as we were turning and is following us.' WHAT WHAT W-H-A-T. where the fuck are we going? bathroom. R-U-N. and then we sit there for 12 min, laughing at sheer amt of luck we posses. laughter. laughter. anxiety. laughter. then we take all our subconscious CIA and FBI skills and make sure he isnt waiting near the bathroom. hes not. so we head out.
so we go to lunch, bc we cant go to the library anymore.
we decide on pf changs and we get there, and there is a line. so the proceeding happens.
whenever there is a "--" = what i was thinking, and since amy and i share esp, prob her too. not exact convo but damn close.
amy- 'oh theres a line, lets go somewhere else. i hate lines.'
me- 'yea sure, sounds great.'
--man i wanted some good chinese food. damn you old ppl. fuckers. is this a AARP meeting? damn you old ppl. why dont u eat at lubys like the other old ppl in the world?
man- 'the line is not that long; it wont take that long. '
--whose that talking? old man, is it you. is he talking to us? is it you asshole whose taking up more of my possible food eating time? what are u doing moron? huh?
amy- 'oh we cant, we have to get back to class.'
--in 3 hours. but a white lie never hurt anyone. whats that look in your eye? that look, hm?
man- 'so, just sit at the bar. it wont take that long.'
--hmm, huh, OH! he looks like a pedophile. i can see us on 60 mins now. "pedophile attacks grls at pf changs." not a good story.
amy- 'oh no we couldnt do that, we're not old enough.'
--sadly.
man- 'well you're not going to order a drink, just sit at the bar, and wait.'
--look here pedophile, fuck off. we're not eating here. ok. no. no. no.
amy- 'sorry, we really cant.' turn and leave.
pause. walk. wonder.
--what the fuck was that?
this old man is about 45-50, who was sitting, in a shirt and tie. when we walked in, he had a "glint in his eye," as amy said. his body language screamed "come on over, and ill buy u a drink. its ok that ur not 21, ill bribe the waiters to bring u some drinks, which i will then lace, so i can take u to my mansion. my kids are still in school. but ur not." he had a look of old men who stalked 18 year old grls. ehhh PUKE. shiver. s-h-i-v-e-r.
what else. hmm. we didnt see brett. boo. boo. why is the hottest guy in the world never shirtless when i go with amy to pick up kenny? i can only imagine what he looks like without his shirt on. dream land. hm. we saw a sticker at chilis. "GET US OUT of the united nations." what the fuck do u think u are saying, you piece of shit crap motherfucking idiot fucker loser republican? be glad i dont know you. be glad that i dont carry a gun. i wonder how scary the world would be if democrats started carrying guns to? what would reps do then?
kerry won last nite. ahhh. fucking crap. u know what im thankful to dean for not taking contribution from lobbyists. it just shows you, that he acts on what he says and what he believes. which means he will actually do something right in office. it shows u that he will not say something just to get elected and then do something else. due to that action, i support him more and more.
i hate this song. such a piece of crap. but its playin now. so what to do?
Woke up quick at about noon
Just thought that I had to be in Compton soon
I gotta get drunk before the day begins
Before my mother starts bitchin' about my friends
About to go and damn near went blind
Young niggaz on the pad throwin' up gang signs
I went in the house to get the clip
With my Mac10 on the side of my hip
I bailed outside and pointed my weapon
Just as I thought, the fools kept steppin
I jumped in the fo' hit the juice on my ride
I got front and back side to side
Then I let the alpine play
I was pumpin' new shit by NWA
It was \"Gangster Gangster\" at the top of the list
Then I played my own shit, it went somethin' like this:
Cruisin' down the street in my 6-fo'
Jockin' the bitches, slappin' the hoe's
I went to the park to get the scoop
Knuckle-heads out there cold shootin' some hoop
A car pulls up, who can it be?
The fresh El Camino rollin Kilo G
He rolls down the window and he starts to say
It's all about makin' that G.T.A.
Cuz the boyz in the hood are alwayz hard
You come talkin' that trash and we'll pull your card
Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit
Don't quote me boy, cuz I ain't said shit ...
Bored as hell and I wanna get ill
So I go to a place where my homeboyz chill
The fellas out there try to make that dollar
I pulled up in the 6-fo' and hollered
greeted with a 40 and I start drinkin'
And from the 8-ball my breath start stinkin'
I gotta get my girl to rock that body
Before I left I hit the bacardi
Pulled to the house get her out of the pad
And the bitch said something to make me mad
She said somethin' that I couldn't believe
So I grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy ass weave
She started talkin' shit, would'nt you know?
I reached back like a pimp and slapped the hoe'
And her father stood up and he started to shout
So I threw a right-cross and knocked his old ass out
Cuz the boyz in the hood are alwayz hard
You come talkin' that trash and we'll pull your card
Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit'
Don't quote me boy, cuz I ain't said shit ...
Punk ass trippin in the dead of night
homies score and key is gonna fly, punk ass fly
they rippin off everybody, man
---Dynamite hack---boyz in the hood
squibbled Nis at 8:18 PM
1.27.2004
wise up!
new articles to your right! ------->
get mad with me!
squibbled Nis at 5:43 PM
whose walking by?
so here i am at college, waiting for amy to get here. and she will in about an hour and a half. our rhet teacher doesnt realise that class doesnt end till 1045 and im pretending not to know either. what do i care? all usefullness have graciously left the class.
so college. hmm. what can i say. i see a couple of indians and well thats too many but what the hey. im conquering the talent of typing without looking at the ... Sshit. there is a grl with a pink coat. granted we know many that have pink coats but what-the-hell. its like rep grls marshmellow coat except it goes down to her knees. how ugly. gay guy who cant dress; isnt that against some kind of rule. craziness. oh no. a guy in front of me, stupid stars freak. we get the pt, u like the stars. ure still ugly as shit. stupid. er. im having fun just randomly staring at ppl. good times. good times. nobody interesting. err. ok im going to read some political articles. i have a view of the stairway and its amaizing the type of ppl who walk in and out. OH no indians talking. ind grl thinks too highly of herself and is meeting a guy, the exchanged a book, (geeks) and now she went back up the stairs. stupid bitch is blocking my view. there were many a place to sit ur ass, why are u blocking my view, dumb hoar!!!! AHH. hmm. pink scarf? oh holy fuck. bright orange coat. bright. wheres waldo could have been real easy then. what the fuck are u doing u piece of crap blocking my view?? there is some dumbass wearing shorts, but get this. he has socks up to his knees? wtf is the pt of that. wear some pants u piece of shit moron. jesus. thankgod the moron moved. i just want to see a guy with a howard dean shit. hot guy nm semi. damn made eye contact with indian walking by. do not laugh. that grl looks like my sister. hm. stuffy old man walking in. stars freak is back! go away. oh no there is that hideous grl from my macro class. oh get this. yesterday, i sit down and she sits down the row rite in front of me and im like 'thanks bitch, ur only blocking my view.' then she has piece of crap (it had puppy dogs on the cover) planner that she kept kicking back behind the chair and i knew she was going to forget it. so the democrat i am, i take it and i give it to her. and she gives the wierdest fucking look. like i had stole it or something and i was giving it back to her. i was like look here u dumb cunt, i was helping u, not stealing ur godforsaken piece of shit planner. amy im againist braids. on no the light is bright in here, i need me some sunglasses! what are ppl thinking? hes walking like a gangster....what? and he aint black. indian grl who can dress, but seems like a bitch. omg, the guy next to me was at the 'young and restless' site. ahh. im not going to be ahh BOY OH BOY or anything. soap operas can attract men and women. actually afro cousin was really into gh. but gh is great so... oh shit, awkard moment when the guy opposite of me, stood up, and he looked almost cute, and i wanted to catch a better look, but really couldnt cause he was staring with a a i want to kill you look. dont hate, appreicate. band of indians. ohh amyyyy. why dont u come .....is that song? my shower thing is great. btw, great. i have found many uses for it. like when i workout, i dont have to drag my thing with me. man oh man. i was supp to study. damnit. and i should since this is really good for me. my opp cost for sitting on my ass and writing in blog, is not good. what do i need to do though? stupid bitch who was blocking my view moved. ohhhhh the guy next to me was gay. i just saw him walking. depressed angry bitch just walked in. poo eh, my friend? hello guy, nice lookin at u too. oh what do i have to do? ok ill write in lro for todays observation and then ill read some of faustus. ahhhh. booo. boo. u know, i would like u to respond to my writing once in a while. i do spend time mocking the gov, faustus for more than just me. heres a look im againist. a nice fitted jacket but underneath a hoody jacket, where the hood part of the jacket is over the nice fitted jacket. the guy across from me keeps peeping over the barriers and looking at me? please i swear. me no interested.
I'm walkin' through the summer nights
the jukebox playing low
yesterday everything was goin' too fast
Today it's movin' too slow
I got no place left to turn
I got nothin' left to burn
Don't know if I saw you if I would kiss you or kill you
It probably wouldn't matter to you anyhow
You left me standing in the doorway cryin'
I got nothin' to go back to now.
The light in this place is so bad
Makin' me sick in the head
All the laughter is just makin' me sad
The stars have turned cherry red
I'm strummin' on my gay guitar
Smokin' a cheap cigar
The ghost of our old love has not gone away
Don't look it like it will anytime soon
You left me standin' in the doorway cryin'
Under the midnight moon.
Maybe they'll get me and maybe they won't
But not tonight and it won't be here
There are things I could say, but I don't
I know the mercy of God must be near
I been ridin a midnight train
Got ice water in my veins
I would be crazy if I took you back
It would go up against every rule
You left me standin' in the doorway cryin'
Sufferin' like a fool.
When the last rays of daylight go down
Buddy you're old no more
I can hear the church bells ringin' in the yard
I wonder who they're ringin' for
I know I can't win
But my heart just won't give in
Last night I danced with a stranger
But she just reminded me you were the one
You left me standin' in the doorway cryin'
In the dark land of the sun.
I eat when I'm hungry drink when I'm dry
And live my life on the square
And even if the flesh falls off of my face
I know someone will be there to care
It always means so much
Even the softest touch
I see nothing to be gained by any explanation
There's no words that need to be said
You left me standin' in the doorway cryin'
Blues wrapped around my head.
---Bob Dylan---Standing In The Doorway
squibbled Nis at 11:55 AM
1.26.2004
who knows
cal was so unbearably boring today. i almost fell asleep many a time. but not in chem. i mean sibert untucked his shirt! good times, good times. and its cold. and getting colder. a few flurries apparently by nite. boo. i have a 7 o'clock class. macro. evil piece of shit.
weekend was great. lots of fun things, but only a bit of studying. it should have been greater but oh wells.
i think im going to take a nap, then read chapter 1. fuck.
the church thing is over; why is my dad talking politics on the phone?
so tired.
so tired.
Somebody's Heine'
Is crowdin' my icebox
Somebody's cold one
Is givin' me chills
Guess I'll just close my eyes
Oh yeah
Alright
Feels good
Inside
Flip on the tele
Wrestle with Jimmy
Something is bubbling
Behind my back
The bottle is ready to blow
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
I can't confront you
I never could do
That which might hurt you
So try and be cool
When I say
This way is a waterslide away from me
That takes you further every day
So be cool
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
Dear Daddy
I write you in spite of years of silence
You've cleaned up, found Jesus, things are good or so I hear
This bottle of Steven's awakens ancient feelings
Like father, stepfather, the son is drowning in the flood
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
---weezer---say it aint so
squibbled Nis at 12:43 PM
1.23.2004
simply stated
i dont know how the fuck im not keeling over and falling asleep at the moment. im so sleepy. why, who knows? i need work out. today? no. i did some crunches this morning. that ought to do it for now.
last nite, dean was on 20/20. i think he did an excellent job. i feel more securing voting for him. kerry better not fucking win this shit, damnit. i hate him. but if it does come down to kerry and monkey boy, of course ill vote for kerry.
me and ames had a great day today. and kenny, too. first we had cal, and chem. boring as usual. then we had, lab. err. lee was nice which was freaky as hell. we couldnt find out drawer and we had to ask for his help but we were out of there in 25 min. i was damn happy.
then we loooked for anti-abortion bitch truck, which we couldnt find. so then we went to ames house, went to krispy kremes, (ohhhh heaven) traveled around lower greenville, then went back to her house, went to chickfla, then off we went to pick kenny up in denton. we have decided that denton is shit. why the fuck would u live there. oh we saw the funniest baptist church sign. "the terror level is orange: the devil is here." or something to that effect. WHAT? fun fun fun fun fun day.
now im tired.
i keep wondering what im supposed to do in college. what what what?
i love how search engines send me to other search engine. fucking dipshits.
Let's get drunk
You can drive us to the harbor
Wish upon a star but
Do you know what stars are?
Balls of fire, burning up the black space
Falling from the landscape
Exploding in the face of God
Let's get crazy,
Talk about our big plans
Places that you're going
Places that I haven't been
Build my walls up
Concrete castle
Keep this kingdom free of hassle, yeah
But I need some echo in the emptiness
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone
Tell me that you're alone, tell me on the telephone
Feel your heart it breaks within your chest now
Try to get some rest now, sleeps not coming easy for a while, child
Child, yeah
But I need some echo in the emptiness
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
Down, down
Down, down
But I need some echo in the emptiness
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
---something corporate---Down Lyrics
squibbled Nis at 6:55 PM
1.22.2004
um
food is good. yum. i came home and have been stuffing my face on a regular basis. i had an omelet, potato chips, dp, and ice cream cone. ahahahh HEHEHE. why do i eat in that way when i spend time to work out also?
today has been normal. i actually got to school early and was sitting with the rest of the ppl, when this guy started talking to me. his name is josh, his major is political studies, it was bio, hes really smart, hes from la, he used to play baseball in high school, he would never go to college in southern cali, and then i found out he was a conservative. err. boo. boo. boo. then we got into class and by where he sat, i realized he was the guy that i thought was a democrat by the way he was talking the other day. but he was real nice, sadly. after class, he got out of the classroom earlier than me and he waited for me, and said "it was nice to meet you." i said yea you too. i had pulled my keys out rite as class ended, so it seemed like i had to leave. he would be a great friend. nothing more. i couldnt date a conservative. what would we talk about? but otherwise hes a perfect guy. he knows about politics, hes smart, he works out, hes funny, hes a guys guy.
but this class is very entertaining. we just sit around and talk all day. dan was telling us stories about his life, and i kept emailing amy and telling her what was happening in class. we have those cool ass imac computers. college. woohoo.
i love avant. he can sing. his songs are all sexy and hot. rrrhhh. i mean... jk. hehe. i was watching the Sharon Osborne show and he was singing. theres this 'sexual' part of the song, and he took his shirt up. and i was like what? a. they didnt show his body. they showed his face. he was contorting it in wierd ways. i mean u know he got phat body. b. what the fuck are u doing? come on avant, man. ur phat. not one of those inane rappers.
clearly i was making fun of the word "phat," as u may know. i should start using it though, but i dont want to offend anyone, so maybe not, cause im not quite black.
DARKNESS. hell ya. omg, one of the songs on his new cd is called "phone sex." i wonder how many women throw themselves at him? these lyrics below are from the song 'heaven.'
Look, I don't know your name
Don't know where you're from
i suppose hes looking for a slut, eh? shik-e-s.
Just like eve done to adam (you got me)
to that im not going to say anything but WHAT THE FUCK? shit. i wonder if he writes these himself, bc that would show the level of his iq. it would also prove my theory that most singers/rappers/actors are dumb.
oh, do u ever wonder what the phat new rap word will be? i know u do. u have heard most of them, phat, dogg, and ... ehh im stuck. but anyway, heres the new one. flickin. yes. would u like me to use it in a sentence. yes, well then of course i will state it how avant sings it.
she was flickin fo sho
oh, fo sho. thats one of those phat words. see what u have learned just by reading what i write. the usefulness of nissy never dies. i never fully explained the meaning of the word flickin though and i would, but i dont know. so thru the use of contextual clues, i think it means hot, and sexy.
ya'll are flickin fo sho.
how did u like that? huh! the use of Texan as well as rap rhetoric. i think i crack myself up a little too much.
i keep looking for my trash can in this room and then im like 'oh duh. its underneath the computer.' see u cant fully appreciate the humor in that unless u understand what im talking about. i sit on the computer many an hour due the lack of life i posses. but i get tired of placing my legs on the floor and want to place them on top of something. i used to use my speaker but it started fucking up too much and i got annoyed and i have transplanted my trash can as my official leg picker up-er. now isnt the story funny? no, well sorry.
this lady called for my dad, while i was SLEEPING or trying to and she asked me to write down some stuff for my dad. and i did. and at the end she goes, "hows college?" "its (pause) going." she goes "dont you drop out." i was like what? umm "ok, i wont." was that an option? im pretty sure im not going to do that anytime soon. shes a nice lady, so im not going to bash her for waking me up from my very needed and wanted nap or telling me to stay in school. i have never thought about dropping out of college or high school. i dont think any of my friends have either. god, we such good little kids. the insanity. dan was talking about all the bad things he had done in his life and i was like yea (i never said this out loud but i was thinking it) i stole 20 dollars once in 3rd grade but i used to buy books. so, i dont think its that cool or anything. i lead a really safe, protected life. sorry man, i cant really compare with ur nail in neck story or spitting gum at ur teacher. ive never done or wanted to do anything dumb.
kudos to my hero for kicking anti-abortion sticker filled bitch truck and saying then "oops." in honor of her, i will place her favorite song as of now on my blog.
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh, things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, And taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
Oh, But it often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh, Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of, others only read of bout' the love
Oh, the love that I love
See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages, forewords
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Oh, love love, you and I, you and I,
not so little you and I anymore, Umm
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well that IÂm almost finally out of
IÂm finally out of
Finally-dee-deedle le dee dee
Well IÂm almost finally, finally
Well I am free, Oh, I'm free
And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephone well their workin it both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well that IÂm almost finally out of
IÂm finally out of, Finally-dee-deedle le dee dee
Well IÂm almost finally, finally
Out of words
---you and I---jason mraz
squibbled Nis at 4:27 PM
1.21.2004
WHAT A FABULOUS DAY!
last nite, i was nothing but enraged at what monkey ass bush had said in the state of the union. enraged is weak word. i didnt get much sleep due to the rage. i would almost and then something he said would awaken me, and i would get mad again, and scream at his elf fucking face. i had a great "conversation" with him in the shower this morning. i want to debate him or one of his followers.
this morning amy and i started the bush bashing while walking into green, just venting all while getting EVIL evil looks. my "hero" was wearing her "howard dean for 2004" shirt. i was proud of her. we get into cal, and we're still talking about various aspects of the speech and the ppl in the room HATE us. they wanted to kill us. but little did they know that this was THE PLAN. we had hatched this diabolical plan to rant about bush at utd, just to piss some ppl off, for FUN. class was boring as hell, and i dont know what the FUCK he was talking about. after that class we go into chem, and we start raving again, but ppl LOVE us. 'always fixing his hair' was laughing with us. they were laughing WITH us. the amount of enthusiasm that me and amy exude when anger enters us is stunning. and i have to admit, we're quite funny. im going mention "skinny bitch who wanted me move my entire body and bag so the princess could walk WHEN there was enough room for her to walk through" just bc she pissed me the fuck OFF. dumb cunt.
then we go to the galleria, walk around, and proceed to eat at bennigans. while we are eating, we start bashing bush again bc some news show replays edward kennedy great countenance last nite. amy concluded that galleria would be full of reps so why not piss some more ppl off? i said "why not. sounds like fun" so were sitting and bashing, and the old couple next to us, sent us the GREATEST evil looks ever. the woman physically TURNED her body around and just gave me a couple of good ass looks. little did she know that what she had done, only provoked me to say more. after lunch, amy wanted a caramel apple, and i was all for it too. so were standing at the chocolate factory or whatever, and the guy working goes, "so u like howard dean, eh?" and im like OH MY GOD, A DEMOCRAT IN THE GALLERIA? what? what? W-H-A-T? and we start this great conversation with the guy where he tells us that he will vote for anyone whose againist bush, that he voted for ralph nader in the last election and various other goodies. i told him "u have made my day!" he really had. we had gotten so many "i want to kill you" looks that this had made our day. i was so incredibly happy. after talking about it later, we decided that next wed. we will return to the galleria, go back to the shop, formally introduce ourselves, learn his name, and tell him that we are customers for life, due to his hatred for bush.
E-X-H-A-L-E. AHHHHHHHHHH.
it was great. great. GREAT. today was a great day. anyday when u can spend most of time discussing politics about ppl who know about politics, is a great day. oh man. good times. good times. Certainly, those of you who werent there cant really understand how great it was. but it was great!
There's so many things going on in the world
Babies dying
Mothers crying
How much oil is one human life worth
And what ever happened to peace on earth
We believe everything that they tell us
They're gonna' kill us
So we gotta' kill them first
But I remember a commandment
Thou shall not kill
How much is that soldier's life worth
And whatever happened to peace on earth
And the bewildered herd is still believing
Everything we've been told from our birth
Hell they won't lie to me
Not on my own damn TV
But how much is a liar's word worth
And whatever happened to peace on earth
So I guess it's just
Do unto others before they do it to you
Let's just kill em' all and let God sort em' out
Is this what God wants us to do
And the bewildered herd is still believing
Everything we've been told from our birth
Hell they won't lie to me
Not on my own damn TV
But how much is a liar's word worth
And whatever happened to peace on earth
Now you probably won't hear this on your radio
Probably not on your local TV
But if there's a time, and if you're ever so inclined
You can always hear it from me
How much is one picker's word worth
And whatever happened to peace on earth
But don't confuse caring for weakness
You can't put that label on me
The truth is my weapon of mass protection
And I believe truth sets you free
And the bewildered herd is still believing
Everything we've been told from our birth
Hell they won't lie to me
Not on my own damn TV
But how much is a liar's word worth
And whatever happened to peace on earth
---Willie Nelson---What Ever Happened To Peace On Earth
squibbled Nis at 4:57 PM
1.20.2004
aims of argument
i had foreseen rhet to be a class filled papers and such. but it has surprised me, we sit and talk about the difference between persuasion and convincing. I had never thought of the difference. i have to say most times, i don’t care. inane is how approached the class. now, im drawn to it. not for the interesting conversation but to show myself something, that maybe something isnt right.
last nite, a little before i went to bed, not necessarily sleep, kris was talking to me. she said some stuff that made me think. i cant actually write about it though. i dont know why, since writing comes to me naturally. all i am is confused. but i have realized that im weak, and i have been ok with being weak. and now its not ok. i dont know anything. i just dont know. im clueless. i can write about inconsequential matters, but i cant write how i feel. i have not figured out what i want. for someone who prides themselves in being honest and real, 'what the hell am i' stuns me. i dont know how to approach that question to get an answer either. i cant seperate what i want from what i must do. i dont know what the line is, i dont know where the line is. i am nothing but lost. and i dont know how to find that path again.
Are you such a dreamer ?
To put the world to rights ?
I'll stay home forever
Where two & two always makes up five
I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag & hide
January has April's showers
And two & two always makes to five
It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can scream & you can shout
It is too late now
because
You have not been
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
You have not been
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
You have not been
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
You have not been
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
paying attention
I try to sing along
I get it all wrong
cos i'm not
cos i'm not
I swat em like flies but
Like flies the buggers
Keep coming back
Not
Maybe not
"All hail to the thief"
"All hail to the thief"
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
"Don't question my authority
or put me in the dock "
Cos I'm not
Cos I'm not
Go & tell the king that
The sky is falling in
When it's not
When it's not
When it's not
Maybe not
Maybe not
---radiohead---2+2=5
squibbled Nis at 11:58 AM
1.19.2004
finally
i just took the xmas tree down. granted i know that xmas has been over for a month or so, but laziness had enveloped me. again im battered and bruised. stupid tree branches. but im so sleepy. YAWN. i didnt have restfull nites sleep. i have school tommorrow. ehh! sickness. what the fuck am i listening to? shit. uncle kracker is shit. not the shit, but shit.
elvis was a romantic? damn valentines day. if anyone would like to get drunk with me, just tell me. madonna is shit. again, not the shit, but shit.
spent most of the day with ames, traveling around plano and richardson. she had never been to preston and park, and theres nothing really to see. but i showed her around ws and pb. great stores. i applied at barnes and noble. im going to get the job. apparently if u write things down, its more likely to happen. im going to get a A in cal and chem. hehe. good times good times. im going to find a guy whose not a jerk, but still is smart, hot, and FUNNY. haha. whatelse. jk, i dont want a guy. i was watching spurs/ celtics game yesterday, and i have figured out that spurs have better looking players. that game really sucked, btw. the last two minutes were the best. there was no way that celtics were going to catch up 20 pts, no matter how hard they tried. i still havent gotten my lro password. hello, DAN, when the fuck are u going to send that to me? ahhh, teachers. dan looks like robert from the eagle. hes apparently a musician and in the utd "theatre" program. as i have mentioned, and as amy would willingly tell, the theatre program is shit, again, not the shit but shit. who cares. oh shit. i think i had hw. hmmm fuck that. im going to sleep.
You kiss me darling, a miracle starts
A magic feeling, comes into our hearts
The spell of love began, when we're alone
And we're in, a world of our own
You say you want me, and music I hear
Touch me my darling, and clouds disappear
The sky is bright above, and cares have flown
And we're in, a world of our own
Holding you close, is heaven
Only I know, what it's worth
Knowing you're mine, forever
Is the greatest wonder on earth
Nothing can change it, the magic's begun
When we're together, our hearts become one
I find a happiness, I've never known
When we're in, a world of our own
When we're in...a world of our own...
---elvis presley---A World of Our Own
squibbled Nis at 4:25 PM
1.18.2004
random things
its a cold sunday nite, and what must one do but write? do i have something to say of somewhat importance, of course not. never in these rants have i actually expelled some great wisdom i have acquired in the short but long life of mine. Technically i could resolve that to the lack of life i have experienced. i have to say, 'there there' by radiohead is the best song ever list. the lyrics, i cant find the meaning of, but the steady drums are enthralling. the close but 2nd song is, also by radiohead, 'creep.' just watched alias. ah. so good. so good. im trying to figure out who between micheal vartan or 'sark' is hotter. damn the british accent sark. isabella rosellini guest stared. i have always said that i dont want girls when i have kids (AHH!) but twin boys (AHHHHHH!) and that wont happen since twins dont run in the family. i have always decided on a couple of names and isabella has always been a favorite. ohh lists
grls: in no particular order
-isabella
-sonia
boys: in no particular order
-jude
ok, i had like a million boy names. i cant remember them? w-h-a-t. jude is for jude law, whose a total hottie. his body. ahhh yum. anyway,
im looking up my names meanings. sonia is the only indian name i like. huh, is it indian? ok wtf, i cant find sonia anywhere. ha. its slavic. sonia means wise. thats good. well anything means better than "banner" like her mother. i still cant find what the heck it has to do with me. my dad, when i was young, used to tell me that it meant angel, and then my sisters father in law, who is this scholar and wrote 5 books on the Christian religion told me it meant banner. i was like daddy u lied. ok, some of these names are hideous. ok isabella means pledge of god. thats nice. i always wonder if i will bring my kids into the Christian religion, though? hmm, ok anyway, jude. jude means praise. nice names.
i was watching dateline tonite and they were showing what some ppl do to control autistic kids, like shock therapy, and i could not help but think what kind of monsters would ever let their kids undergo such pain. i know i shouldnt speak since i dont have kids, nor do i have kids with special abilities, but i have a heart. (how very corny) i understand that these parents would try to do anything to let their kids have a normal life, but isnt it obvious that they wont and they cant. how could you, though, hurt your kid? how could you possibly live and breathe knowing that you purposefully hurt a child who did not know better and who could not control their behavior. some ppl should just be burned at the stake.
who the fuck would name their kid skipper? oh Nikolas! duh. hes a prince on gh. hes hot. ahh. that means Victorious People. great; thats as vague as my name. whoever spells the name sabrina with a z, as in zabrina, needs to shot. Zoey is a cute name. all these names, though, suck bc i have met ppl with the names and im like eh i knew a grl once with that name, she was a bitch, cant name my kid that. ABIGAIL, what century do we live in? i cant imagine naming ur kid a name like trinity, bc it was in that dumbass trilogy. dakota for a guy? hmm imagine this "hey my name is ORAL." nike as a grls name? thats a shoe brand damnit. ok plz dont name a kid after a state. no offense but nevada. what the hell is so great about nevada, other than lv? thats where ur father is sweetheart, thats all i know about him. i love nirvana and understand the spirtual sense behind it, but naming ur kid that is just insane. bliss for a guy? some of these names are too hideous to speak of.
sleep has invaded me. RRHH U SLEEP. just kidding. haha. tomorrow, i get the J-O-B!
God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave, leave, don't leave
I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
So try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?
My man......
Are you strong enough? (to be my man....)
Are you strong enough?
Are you strong enough? (my.....man)
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be man enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise, I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave
---sheryll crow-- are u strong enough to be my man
squibbled Nis at 10:21 PM
saturday nite
so last nite was prayer meeting. OH FUCK YEA. sense the obvious sarcasm. as u you mite already know, i hate indian events, indians, indian Christian events, and a toddler i have nicknamed "future posterboy for the ADD campaign."
i was forced into this travesty by my dad, who at first decided that i must "find my own way home." that wasnt music to my ears. of course i have known the ppl who attend these things for at least 10 years or so, yet never would i willingly sit in a car ride home from irving while undergoing severe questioning of my future. i throw one of my classic tantrums and dad decides that he will, in fact, pick up his youngest daughter whom he loves and who will not attend this evening without his guarantee. as we are driving, to irving, wait i must rant about irving. IRVING? what piece of shit is that? who would willingly say, "oh lets move to irving, land of crap." its worse than old carrollton, and thats just amazing. as we drive into 'ghettoville,' all i could think of was where i could find myself a bodyguard and a gunshot proof car. after the great republican maneuver from my dad for the year 2004, we get to the house.
the house isnt "ghettofyed" but the ppl in there are. very much so. so as i make a quick survey and ask random "punks" if there is anybody older here to which they reply, as my eyes had detected, "no theres nobody." OH FUCK YEA. so i run into the bathroom and phone amy, sending my distress signal. 'save me. save me.' she, of course, was babysitting, and couldnt save me. but the few minutes i sat in the bathroom, as "punks" kept knocking on the door, asking me to get out, i received a bit of sanity.
i cannot explain the severity of "future posterboy for the ADD campaign" due to the lack of my writing abilities. i cannot possibly explain the full details this hideous creature without using my hands and facial expressions. lets just say that i wasnt amused by the kid; not one bit. and his grandmother thought i was insane, bc i wasnt playing with her kid. hey lady i hate to break it to you, but i hate ur piece of shit grandson. no i dont enjoy being smacked a couple of times by the insane loon. no i dont think its cute that the kid in uncontrollable. NO I FUCKING DONT. the grandmother didnt understand 'personal space' either, which annoyed me to no end.
so after prayer is over, i proceeded to the bathroom again to call dad and say that the prayer was done and that he must come as soon as possible, who regrettably informed me that mother was still STILL not out. so i must stay here for some more time. again the knocking on the door occurred and it caused me to wonder. if the door doesnt open, why the fuck are u knocking on it you stupid dipshit. doesnt it occur to you that someone is in the bathroom. yea, im in the bathroom. does it say anywhere that i have to yell, 'yea im here.' no its a thing called common sense. the door to the bathroom does open, yea im sure it does, but im having A FUCKING CONVERSATION with my father, so would you, you piece of shit moron, stopping jabbing at the door handle. WOULD YOU? maybe ill sit in the bathroom for some more time, just to piss the living shit out of you. and u stupid bitch, how dumb are u, when i get out of the bathroom u old woman, a. u block my path OUT OF THE BATHROOM b. u have a 'wonder' in your face that someone was actually in the bathroom. fucking dipshits.
then, i proceeded into one of the rooms filled with future teenagers. oh the insanity. so i sat and start talking to ...whats her name....oh.....damn....oh i have nicknamed her "minnie me." she hates our church, OH YEA. she hates ppl at our church. OH YEA. she hates rap, OH YEA. she listens to alt, OH YEA. the kid is only in 7th grade and her enthusiasm for hatred did shock me, nevertheless the more ppl i can convince that indians are evil, the better i will sleep at nite. so spent the rest of the nite talking to her and her friend.
then she leaves. i think that was the saddest moment of my life, ok sat nite rather. now its a little freaky.
slowly, more and more ppl start to leave and i find a clever hidding spot and proceed to call amy. as soon as i hear the voice of my "hero," i hear my name. my hiding spot, its been UNCONVERED. must run, must turn off the phone. go GO go. "ohh, hello, uncle nice to see you, no thanks MY PARENTS WILL COME AND PICK ME UP. no i dont need a ride home. but thanks." so i return to my clever (not really) hiding spot and phone amy and tell her the details of my adventure. i kept getting caught and then suddenly george comes and says "ur parents are here." oh amy, there here, i must leave, im leaving, im LEAVING, LEAVING......why are u two sitting on the couch eating food, which even i didnt eat, bc im against eating food in a picnic style, due to the accumulation of spit. so i sit, and eat fruit salad, which is in a covered container, with my parents and the leftover ppl. then one of the grls who lives in the house tells me that i should sit with her (14), her sister(< 14), and her friend(12) and talk. so i sit with them and expel my great advice. i tell them that men are dumb, and that she should stay away. that she shouldnt date just cause everyone else is dating. she should wait till college or somewhere close to that, bc she will learn what she wants in a guy other than randomly dating morons. i also told them they need to get the hell out of TEXAS due the graphic nature of republicans. and then we left. somehow. somehow. ohh haha. this one guy was telling me that he was going to get drunk for the first time on american beer. i was like WHAT, plz, if ure going to great drunk for the first time, u need to get something good, not something that tastes like shit. granted, if someone was actively promoting drinking for my underage teenager, i would have kicked their ass, but what the hell, they need some kind of direction. american beer sucks. and getting some alcohol for the first time as a fish is highschool, thats not horriblly young. i got wasted (not really but close) at my sisters wedding and that was the end of 7th grade. that was a great day. not only cause of the level of alcohol i accumulated but my sister was finally kicked out, something i had wanted to do for many years.
so i didnt go to church today, and im not going next sunday either. i finished washing/drying my clothes, i walked a mile on the treadmill, and i emailed amy. im all set for whatever the hell i want to do today. prob some studying. woohoo.
I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practice all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I got no self esteem
We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so
When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care. Right?
We'll I'l relate this little bit
It happens more than I'de like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know she's playing with me
But that's ok cause I've got no self esteem
When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care. Right?
---Offspring---Self Esteem
squibbled Nis at 12:29 PM
1.17.2004
ahhhhhh moonbeam
sheer boredom fills me. i have, due to the lack of activity, designated today chem day, tomorrow cal day and monday nothing day. i just called bn and they said that they have applications online. i checked. i couldnt find them. oh wells. ill call again in couple of hours and ask. i have nothing important to do, so why piss out? i think im going to cook something today. what, i ponder? i want a faster internet connection. mine sucks. but i love my computer. kisses sweets.
i was washing my clothes, rather starting too when my dad, who hadnt noticed that i had been doing this for quite a few years on my own, proceeded to tell me how to turn on the washing machine. ill comply that i really have no method to washing clothes other than dumping my basket of dirty clothes into the machine after pouring in some detergent. my dad does this quite often, for instance, the correct way to wash dishes, correct way to vaccume. my way works too: the clothes get clean, the dishes are clean, the carpet is clean, so i dont change my methods. i get quite nerved when my dad gets on this rant of how i must do things. retirement bores my dad to no end. so he "helps" me a better person. ohhh the pain. so hes washing my clothes the "rite" way now.
omg, its only 12. AHH.
We were born in this little town
Growin' up I was counting down
Every single day till we made our get-away
But you said you could never see yourself
Trying to make a life anywhere else
This would be your home and I was on my own
But ever since you said good-bye
I've been out here on the wind and
Baby you would be surprised
All the places you have been
I've seen you in
Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard
Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert
Watchin' the sun set in Monterey
Girl I swear just the other day you were
Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches
In Carolina barefoot on the beaches
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you
Everywhere
Now days
When I'm passin' through
The conversation always turns to you
I hear you're doin' fine
Livin' out by the county line
Got a man that's home every night
a couple of kids and the kind of life
That you want to lead
Guess you could say the same for me
Cause you and I made our choices
All those years ago
Still I know I'll hear your voice
And see you down the road
Maybe in
Oklahoma drivin' 'cross the prairie
In Dallas, Texas isn't that where we
Always said we would like to try
Never did so maybe that's why you're on
Every highway just beyond the high-beams
Right beside me in all of my sweet dreams
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you in
Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard
Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert
Watchin' the sun set in Monterey
Girl I swear just the other day you were
Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches
In Carolina barefoot on the beaches
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you
Everywhere
---tim mcgraw---everywhere
squibbled Nis at 11:01 AM
1.16.2004
chipper
im in a great mood. a. its a fri! why else? cause i just watched "along came polly" and it was a great...funny...amusing movie. hehe. prior to watching the movie, i had severe probs due to the fact that its reviews sucked and since i was expecting 'crapastic', it proved to be better. it was cute. i really really want a blind ferret now. i also want to learn salsa from a hot cuban dancer. i also realised that debra messing has the smallest forehead in the world. but i love her. much better than i like jennifer aniston. she doesnt deserve that ferret. there was this one song that i recongnized during the movie, and now i cant remember what it was. clearly there not willing to list the songs in the movie. bitchiness.
classes were boring! boooo. i found a tutor for cal. i almost went to get one for chem but it was raining, so i decided not too. ahh y-a-w-n, im tired.
You were the one who cheated, baby
and then you blamed it on me
everything you'd done
I came home to an empty apartment
could not find where my heart went
and now I'm all alone
I'm a-walking in the rain
tears are falling, and I feel the pain
wishing you were here by me
to end this misery
and I wonder
wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder
why
wa-wa-wa-wa-why
she ran away
and I wonder where she will stay
my little runaway
As I walk along I wonder
what went wrong with our love
a love that was so strong
And as I still walk on I think of
the things we've done together
while our hearts were young
I'm a-walking in the rain
tears are falling, and I feel the pain
wishing you were here by me
to end this misery
and I wonder
wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder
why
wa-wa-wa-wa-why
she ran away
and I wonder where she will stay
my little runaway
=---atticus---RUNAWAY
squibbled Nis at 4:04 PM
1.15.2004
what the fuck is this?
as i sit here listening to "bang, bang," a 60's nancy sinatra song, now commonly associated with kill bill, i have this overwhelming feeling to call stephen and say hi. not call actually, just email. be like 'hi. havent talked to you in a while.' i cant help but wonder why? i was studing chem, and thoughts of him kept coming to the surface; clearly because he taught me chem last sem and its just a train of thought. i can adamently admit that i no longer posses feelings for him what so ever. n-o-n-e. yet, i have to wonder why on earth i want to hear what he has to say? why would i care? moreover, i feel that i wont do as well as i did last sem bc i fear that stephen was the crutch of my faint success. so along with wonderment, im completely insecure in myself and my abilities. what if i fail, what if kicking him to the curb has screwed me out of an A?
but then again, i didnt deserve to be treated like that. no matter friends or more (or less), i would never treat anyone in such the manner he treated us esp since we had grown into the friendship i thought we had. im dont want to see him. i cant face how we ended. all was his doing, not mine. he made his intentions very clear by his actions but i fear in there somewhere i led him on to think something that wasnt quite true. it was just a crush, nothing more. this debacle of an event come to reality when he recongnized my "feelings" for him and "returned" them; which i feel, retrospectively, was not reciprocated to any level for which i had imagined.
but here i am again, wondering what i should do?
i know i will run into him sometime this semester. someday, when i have not prepared myself to see him, someday when i look like trash, i will once again be struck how sordid this affair has become. but i wish that day would happen soon rather than later. the longer the break between us, the more i feel the awkardness will overpower the conversation. but then again, whats left to say? only the kind condolences for which i, half mindly, will ask and return for which he will turn into something deep and convoluted. i no longer want anything, and i suppose thats what he wanted. to be something and nothing. but i cant have a friendship and not give anything or ask for anything in return.
when you become friends with someone, you put them on a level that you wouldnt put them on if they werent your friends. commone sense, agreed. but u treat someone of his nature differently than of alica per say. as a person climbs the ladder, you expect more from them. he wasnt willing to do that. he wasnt willing to be a friend like i needed or wanted.
clearly, i now have convinced myself that seeing him would do nothing for me, and it wont. and whats the pt? for amusement? for 'good ol' times,' for fun?
hes not the only tutor in the world so i will find someone else. and im forgetting why i really stopped the tutoring. he didnt help me understand anything. he would explain and i would sit and think about something else. so why pay to do that? so i mite not find someone as cheap as him, so i mite not find someone as entertaining as him, but hopefully i will understand what i need to understand. something i deserve. in the end, i really do think, the way our relationship progressed, he ruined my chances of getting a good grade on the last test.
what else is there to say? nothing, i suppose. i hate talking about him. i hate thinking about him too, but it always happens.
i will succeed. bc i can. bc i will.
sometimes i just need some courage.
my success wasnt due to anyone. i put in the effort. and i put in the effort. what makes me think that he was something? he was nothing. minor mistake. plenty more where that came from!
so my plan:
find a new tutor whose going to help me kick ass in chem and cal. i need to get the hell out tx as soon as possible. hopefully i can go somewhere this summer. as a celebration for kicking ass, for forgetting last year, for learning something new and moving on!
squibbled Nis at 6:24 PM
apple juice
for that one week i was down, all i drank was apple juice. the sugar was something i could at least imagine to have taste. now i find useless and somewhat unwanted. somewhat. sugar still attracts me.
as i had said yesterday, i had wrote my email add quite wrong for lro so dan couldnt give me the right one. oh wells. i had to submit a writing sample and i wrote about driving and what a bitch it was. it clearly is a bitch. although the writing sample lead nowhere but to claim that most ppl should be murdered for driving due to thier lack of iq. i dont think i had much of a pt., reterospectively.
me and ames had this great plan to go watch along came polly only to realise that movie is getting bad reviews. i love ben stiller, so i cant imagine how bad this movie must be. it got 38%, and thats shitty. s-h-i-t.
its dark and cloudy outside. but it feels fine. its not clamy or humid. just a soft breeze of cool winds.
i must study now. but i dont want too. ehhhh shitty poppies. thats my new thing. shitty poppies.
headache. wow.
She's just waiting for the summertime when the weathers fine
She could hitch a ride out of town
And so far away from that low town good for nothing mistake making fool
With excuses like baby that was a long time ago
But that's just a euphemism if you want the truth he was out of control
But a short times just a long time then your mind just won't let it go
Well summer came along and it then was gone and so was she
Not from him because he followed her just to let her know
A dreams a dream
And all this livings so much harder than it seems
But girl don't let your dreams be dreams
You know this livings not so hard as it seems
Don't let your dreams dreams
Your dreams your dreams be dreams
---jack johnson---
Jack Johnson---Dreams Be Dreams
squibbled Nis at 11:51 AM
1.14.2004
luck?
today as i sat in recitation, we got our instructor...lee. A;ION;SEFHIWNBEFLISUFBAWE;RB AS;DFUIYASERN 'OSIDFA WEK;JRNI A'SDFNO'I ASOEF O'SIDFN' OISURFN'ASDOFJ FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHORE. the luck which i have is admirable (sense the sarcasm) but goodness LEE. what insane insane piece of shit luck is that? i cant help but cringe at the sound of his name. major face contortion cringing involved. we changed our entire schedule to ensure that he would not be our lab ta. what luck, what LUCK!
err, im pissed.
on other news, i just had a great 2 hr 45 min nap. i could just say 3 hrs. but the exact time of my awakening needs to be noted.
i still havent got the password for lro, which makes me think something must be screwed with the way i wrote my email add. i want to dress cute tomm for the cute guy, but what insane piece of shit thinking is that. ive never understood why ppl would dress better when they are trying to impress someone else. in two months ure going to be back to ur normal attire. why bother to dress well now? stay true and rock on. i clearly dont impress. i dont give a fuck. i almost want to but thats an far away almost.
squibbled Nis at 7:48 PM
well hello
i, clearly, am never at school or so it seems. my mastermind of a schedule has left me in dungeons of boredom. i should be at school and i will in an hour but i came home after class due to the 3 hour break. at first, my 3 hour break was nothing of deep importance due to the fact that amy and i arranged to spend the time together mocking others, or studing, but mainly mocking others. but she had a staff meeting; for my amy works. when i reached the house, and entered it, i wondered 'why am i here?' clearly, i came home so i dont have to be at school and now im at home, wondering why im at home. i have realised i dont want to be at school nor at home. neither of the two appeal to me in any sort of way. a clueless mindless living organ comprised of thoughtless thoughts and wayward dreams am i. nothing more, nothing less. calculus proved to be what i was expecting; a wonder shock of what my very metero of a prof spoke, described, and explained. i aimlessly followed the man, most of the time on varing levels of 'what.' however, i did utter a laugh or two at the mention of stars twinkling due to the sheer random of the statement with calulus. chem was dull and i spent most of the time wondering the physique of siberts body, and why sibert would ever go into spencers to buy a gift during xmas, for not many men of that age have friends who would think that a gift from spencers is redemable or decent. even i have passed the age where it is more of a nuisance than anything. oh lab, why do u mock me? why must i go and spend an hour with you and your crazy indian prof barley understanding anything, almost falling asleep.
anti-bush ads. quite humourous, i mite add. check out the one with the parents.
i heard this song this morning as i was going to school and clearly it needs to be placed here. this song, however as i read now, makes no sense. i had not carefully listened to the lyrics. but who cares. many a song have i placed here which make no sense. for this song shall not be the last as it is not the first, either.
Lay a whisper on my pillow,
Leave the winter on the ground.
I wake up lonely,
There's air of silence in the bedroom
And all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away.
It must have been love but it's over now.
It must have been love but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
From the moment we touched, 'til the time had run out.
Make - believing we're together that I'm sheltered by your heart.
But in and outside I've turned to water like a teardrop in your palm.
And it's a hard winters day, I dream away.
It must have been love but it's over now.
It's all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
It must have been love but it's over now,
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows.
---roxette---it must have been love
squibbled Nis at 1:17 PM
1.13.2004
laziness
im too lazy to write anything today. i clearly have managed to stuff my face with food though. insecurities of what, i think? school was lame. i thought i lost my cell phone, but i really didnt. thankgoodness! im about to start studing for chem and do some probs. this whole day thing is screwy. im never at school. this is like vacation. i mean i was there for about 1 hr 30 min and im done. its so lame. t and th are easy days bc its just rhet and what a waste of time, i think. one day is really hard and one day is really easy. rrh. although a really cute guy sat by me in rhet so yay. i need to find a new tutor for chem/cal really soon. the more i waste time thinking about it, the more nervous i get. stupid pandora.
now i want to write? yesterday i forgot where the hell my classroom was and started asking random ppl where they were going. no one was going where i was. i got some strage looks. then i asked this one lady and she helped find the way. woohoo. angel. the class was wierd cause the teacher was indian or so i think. she looks indian but her last name is pineres. im thinking she married into pineres. i ended up sitting in the middle of the second row, so i couldnt text ames. but i wrote her a note. fun fun. back to the old days. pineres had some clinton 'humor,' so i gave her the evil stare. the class was more or less entertaining and she let us us out an hour early. so that was great. got home and went to sleep.
i fell asleep for like 20 min while watching tv. shit. theres nothing to do. i should be happy rather im bored. last sem i waited a lot. waited for classes to start, waited for ppl. blah. i saw lee while walking to my car, and i was like EHAAHASOINAWEO FUCKING SHIT. god i never want to see him again. what a waste of a human being. errh. APSUEFHAISDFKSDFJLASDFIUENON. evil shudder. or at least i think that was him. then i ran into alcia at the bookstore. basic blah blah. i almost asked her if she was seeing pandora but then i was like no thats not something that i want to ask. fuck pandora. bc really who cares? expect the knawing voice in my head wondering if hes dead? i wonder, dont you. hahaha. heheh. anywho. studing!!!!! fun fun fun. ahhhhhh. the darkness. um. cinnamon rolls. good too.
in pitch dark i go walking in your landscape.
broken branches trip me as i speak.
just coz you feel it doesnt mean its there.
just coz you feel it doesnt mean its there.
There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)
Stay away from each rocks
We'd be a walking disaster
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)
just coz you feel it doesn't mean its there.
(theres someone on your shoulder)
just coz you feel it doesn't mean its there.
(theres someone on your shoulder)
There there!
why so green and lonely?
and lonely
and lonely
heaven sent you to me
to me
to me
we are accidents
waiting waiting to happen.
we are accidents
waiting waiting to happen
---Radiohead---There There
squibbled Nis at 2:44 PM
1.12.2004
college?
oh man, just came back from college. the first day, which technically is not even over. i have class at 7 at nite. thats a smart move niss. but i can beat up a guy so its all cool in the hood. first we had cal, and the dude gave us a test. i was expecting this but i didnt bother to prepare. i failed it. yet, it wasnt hard, it was just the fact that i need to refresh and i needed have some space to work out the probs. 'where, where, where i am to work this out' screamed i? then we had chem with sibert. we saw dickman leaving. and i was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhh evil shudder. i do feel like i betrayed him. i do i do. sibert was ok. he explains everything. so it was a welcome change. totally welcome. then we went to target and i got all my book stuff. FUN. that really is the best part of starting school, the new pens and shit. fun. anywho. today im going go eat some lunch then read chapter 11 (geek me) and look over some old alg. i cant find my road rage cd. i miss that cd. i cant find any of my cds. piece of shit me. always losing things.
I don't want to talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue everytime you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground
Hand over my heart I swear I've tried everything I could
Within all my power two weeks and one hour
I slaved and now I've got nothing to show
Oh if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall
From now on I'm gonna start holding my breath
When you come around and you flex that fake grin
Cause something inside of me has said more than twice
That breathing less air beats breathing you at all
I don't want to talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue everytime you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground
Hand over my mouth I'm earning the right to my silence
In quiet discerning between ego and timing
Good judgement is once again proving to me that it's
Still worth it's weight in gold
From now on I'm gonna be so much more wary
When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil
That seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil
I don't want to talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue everytime you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground
High fives to a better judgement
By saying less today I will gain more
Low twos to you my fickle friend
Who brought the art of silent war
---incubus---Blood on the Ground
squibbled Nis at 12:44 PM
1.11.2004
cough
rrh. cough cough. but im all ready for school tomorrow. well in terms of school items, i mean. i got my new shoes. they're not like cool but they're coo. like total coo. the dude said they just came out on thurs, which im sure means something. i was like 'oh ok thanks man.' thats more of a guy thing, always wanting the new shoes. me, more like 'pretty color, i want that one.' i wanted some jeans but the shoes were a bit much so i decided to not to say anything. im getting a watch next month so maybe ill add that one then.
i wasnt driving but i had two "WHAT!" . first, we were on josey turning on hebron when i hear shakira. im like eh r u kidding? i dont like shakira, but who am i to say you cant listen to shakira. and i look at the driver, bc thery're behind me, about to give the bitch a look when its a guy. (?) and he has his windows up. up! and hes rockin' (yes rocking) in the car, giving me his "im motherfucking cool and dont you want to be me?" sorry, sweetheart, no i dont. almost, almost, but no kudos. then we were at the mall light, and this blue nissan something, a real nice car/convertible btw, starts playing j. lo. what? but wait, what? ill admit shakira has talent, yes she does, i just dont like her talent. but j. lo. has no talent. none. i think i will physically slap anyone who says to me, 'why yes i do think that j. lo. has real singing ability/talent.' no all she has is a butt and ben. both are fake. but i still cant believe the person played j. lo. in the car, with the windows down, on a cool car. see that meant that the person had to intentionally make a thought in their head and say "whoa i like this j. lo. and must buy the cd." so one of these things happened:
1. they drove themselves to the store and bought the cd. but can u imagine when if u were working and someone comes up to you and says, 'hey, wheres the j. lo. cd?' burning with the rest of the trash.
2. "mom, along with my dildo, id like the j. lo. cd."
3. carson: "oh sweetheart, even a gay man has to smell talent and all i smell on her is whore. lets throw that away. but she can dress."
4. "for xmas, can i get the j. lo. cd along with the britney spears cd, cause i too want to be almost married. it looks cool. and i also want the sex tape of paris hilton, who btw is going out with nick carter; i always wanted to date trash."
thats all the possible things i could think of.
i feel sick. ehhhhwwww. i ate too much. ok not really but i feel sick. SCHOOL, why u mock me? there was a great jacko video on mad tv last nite, and i cant find it. shit.
i took the word "experiences" out of somewhere in the rant and spell checked it and now i dont know where it goes. so that word shoud go in there somewhere. somewhere.
You've got to pick up the pieces
C'mon, sort your trash
You better pull yourself back together
Maybe you've got too much cash
Better call, call the law
When you gonna turn yourself in? Yeah
You're a politician
Don't become one of Hitler's children
Bonzo goes to bitburg then goes out for a cup of tea
As I watched it on TV somehow it really bothered me
Drank in all the bars in town for an extended foreign policy
Pick up the pieces
My brain is hanging upside down
I need something to slow me down
Shouldn't wish you happiness, wish her the very best
Fifty thousand dollar dress
Shaking hands with your highness
See through you like cellophane
You watch the world complain, but you do it anyway
Who am I, am I to say
Bonzo goes to bitburg then goes out for a cup of tea
As I watched it on TV somehow it really bothered me
Drank in all the bars in town for an extended foreign policy
Pick up the pieces
My brain is hanging upside down
I need something to slow me down
If there's one thing that makes me sick
It's when someone tries to hide behind politics
I wish that time could go by fast
Somehow they manage to make it last
My brain is hanging upside down
I need something to slow me down
---The Ramones Lyrics---My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down
squibbled Nis at 7:48 PM
1.10.2004
sniffing
im just sniffing now. sniff. this is the annoying stage, i suppose. well for others i mean. i hate when ppl do the 'sniff sniff' thing around me. im looking at my hair, and thinking holy shit i have a lot of hair. i was taking a bath this morning and the amount of shampoo i use astounded me. no wonder i ask my parents to buy me some every few weeks. i think its time for a hair cut. but i like my long hair, much better than the previous haircuts which i had. i need to get it thinned, that would be great. thinned, thats a great word. i remember the last time i got my hair cut the lady took a shit load out. ppl were looking at me like i was some kind of loon with too much hair. and then you have the ppl who think i have nice hair, where i give them my "crazy look." some ppl like lots of hair. i dont. i like the curlness. only bc i have to live with it forever. thats all. nothing else. better get used to it now.
as i have said before, tx is a very republican state. nowhere is that more evident than when you listen to the country station. last nite, as the "question of the nite" or something to that effect, the wolf asked if 'celeb endorsements are needed.' this is due to the latest endorsement from madonna for clark, and willie nelson for kucinich. every single caller said this is not needed, not wanted, did not effect their voting choice in 2004. of cource not, ur voting for bush. why would u care who all these ppl endorsed? moreover, if it doesnt effect your voting choice, shut ur trap, why do u open your trap to say such a statement. there is someone out there who it does effect. thats why they do it. im not saying that i care who madonna likes, bc i dont like madonna and particularly hate clark and hope he doesnt get anywhere near the white house. but in all fairness, if madonna has enough sense to vote for a man who 'not quite a democrat nor a republican', im sure you could get some sense in yourself and not vote for "quite a idiot and a jackass" next year. i heard bushs plan for putting a man on mars. empty money, ppl. get a clue. remember, the ass will say anything, its election year. see there is no reason for ppl to say that there voting for bush and publicly endorse him, most of the nation is.
i need to move out of america. this is insane.
france, im thinking france. my dad said france.
Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it
Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...
Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...life
One
squibbled Nis at 1:42 PM
1.09.2004
gap
just came back from shopping. good times. good times. i got a new velveteen faux fur jacket, the one that i wanted. its too big on me, but i dont care. its sooooo soft. it feels so good and its really warm. then i got a baige sweater, and a silk/wool baby blue sweater. i like the blue sweater, but the baige is sure to itch. its wool. err. i got one of those really soft purple ones to but i returned it. then i got a rainbow colored beanie, and a lite purple belt. ultra cute, btw. im crazy about my beanie. havent stopped wearing it. i dont look good in hats so im going to look like trash but in a cute beanie. it doesnt cover my ears due to my humogo head, and its sure to fuck my hair over, but im going to wear it, till im sick of it. tommorrow im gonna get a new shoe, and maybe work in some jeans. umm. but my mom was the shopper. she went to thier scrub store and bought almost 300 worth of stuff.
i think chaches coming over. yay. err. boredom. cold not over yet, almost. almost over. at least im breathing. thats an imporvement. oh fuck i didnt return my books. shitty poppies. shitty poppies? im still sick. obviously.
squibbled Nis at 5:23 PM
|
............yes that is true...........
political articles
We Are the Majority
BUSH: AWOL?
State of the Union 2004
Kay's Admission
The New American Century
Bush's LIES
We See That Now
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
humourous blogs
Bill Maher
The American Undershirt
Belle de Jour
Dooce
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fight Club
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."
Red Dragon
"You will not persuade me with appeals to my intellectual vanity."
Requiem for a Dream
"You smug fuck."
Forrest Gump
"Sometimes, I guess there's just not enough rocks."
Far from Heaven
"That was the day I stopped believing in the wild ardor of things. Perhaps in love, as well. That kind of love. The love in books and films. The love that tells us to abandon our lives and plans, all for one brief touch of Venus. So often we fail at that kind of love. The world just seems too fragile a place for it. And of every other kind, life remains full. Perhaps it's just we who are too fragile"
About a Boy
"You don't give a shit about anyone and no one gives a shit about you!"
Adaptation
"It's over. Everything, I did everything wrong. I want my life back. I want it back before everything got fucked up. I want to be a baby again. I want to be new. I WANT TO BE NEW!"
Rush hour
"We can hang in my crib. I will show you my 'hood."
The Sandlot
"Face it, I'm just an egghead."
My Best Friend's Wedding
"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy."
Meet Joe Black
"I should have my head examined again."
Finding Nemo
"Now what?"
Sleepless in Seattle
"Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble."
Blow
"It was the greatest feeling I ever had. Followed abruptly by the worst feeling I ever had."
Pi
"I'm trying to understand our world! I don't deal with petty materialists like you!"
Steel Magnolias
"This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell."
Reservoir Dogs
"Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, allright? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless."
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
"I might never have liked you. Point in fact I despise you. But that doesn't suggest I don't respect you."
"It's mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack; not rationality."
Bad Santa
"Yeah, well these lips were on your wife's pussy last night. You really ought to dust that thing off."
"Are you fucking with me?"
"Let me fix you some sandwiches... "
Natural Born Killers
"Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake."
"You made my shitlist! "
Bridget Jones's Diary
"It's amazing what some men find attractive."
Memento
"It's beer o'clock, and I'm buying. "
Billy Madison
"At no point in your rambling, did you even come close to an intelligent thought."
"Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! "
"Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out."
Saving Private Ryan
"You don't know when to shut up; you don't know HOW to shut up!"
Pirates of the Caribbean
"This is either madness... or brilliance."
The Matrix
"I have dreamed a dream, but now that dream is gone from me."
"Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness."
The Big Lebowski
"What was the unspoken message? The unspoken message was: "fuck you!""
Meet the Parents
"Are you a pothead, Focker?"
Pulp Fiction
"FUCK! MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!!! DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW FUCKING STUPID YOU ARE? SHIT! FUCK! "
Matchstick Men
"You're not a bad guy. You're just not a very good one."
Big Daddy
"but I wipe my own ass, Sonny. I wipe my own ass!"
Love Actually
"I am Colin. God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all."
Big Fish
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not too big? Maybe this place is just too small?"
A Few Good Men
"Thank you for playing, "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid."
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it."
American History X
"I don't give two shits about you or anyone else or what they think."
Fight Club
" I am Jack's wasted life."
"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."
| | You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh
| | |
