2.20.2004

got up and left..
i have moved to http://indierocker8.blogspot.com...
squibbled Nis at 9:49 PM

2.19.2004

ruff ruff
the ppl down the street who are building a pool, have blocked my driveway with thier construction crew for the past 3 weeks or so. now they dont close it down every day. just once in a while. so every morning, i have to wonder. and when i drive past, they all stare. shiver.

today has been a ok day. boring.

i saw lindsay today who told me that ashley is pregnant. WHAT. never in a million years, would i think she would be knocked up. at first i wasnt sure if we were talking about the same ashley but we were. they are getting married and he has a great (he makes money) job. her parents are supportive. it could a lot worse. but i cant wait to see the baby. little feet and little hands.

i heard this song yesterday, so here it is. what a great song! i remember i was really into this song when i liked mark. heheh. ahhh. why, god knows. well actually i know. he was hot.

I would die for you,
I would die for you,
I've been dying just to feel you by my side,
To know that you're mine.

I will cry for you,
I will cry for you,
I will wash away your pain with all my tears,
And drown your fear.

I will pray for you,
I will pray for you,
I will sell my soul for something pure and true,
Someone like you.

See your face every place that I'm walking,
Hear your voice everytime I’m talking,
You will believe in me,
And I will never be ignored.

I will burn for you,
Feel pain for you,
I will twist a knife and bleed my aching heart,
And tear it apart.

I will lie for you,
Beg and steal for you,
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see,
You're just like me.

Violate all the love that I’m missing,
Throw away all the pain that I’m living,
You will believe in me,
And I can never be ignored.

I would die for you.
---garbage---i would die for you
squibbled Nis at 2:25 PM

2.18.2004

baroom cleaning
never do i think, "lets clean my baroom (bathroom)." actually the phrase "lets clean" doesnt spring into mind often either. ex: my car; the contents inside or the contents outside. so it is a rare day when i think lets clean 'everything.' my actual plan was to clean the whole upstairs and my car. AH, what was i thinking? but dont worry i didnt. i decided to split up the activities. today after much deliberation and fighting inside my head, my 'minnie mom ocd freak' bashed my 'lazy ass' and at 900 at nite i started cleaning my bathroom. i cleaned everything.

a. the sink.
im one of those lazy asses who actually never bother to wash away the toothpaste. yea, thats me.
b. the toilet.
i actually used a brush, u know, a toilet brush. usually i just squeeze some 409 and pretend its clean.
c. the WHOLE tub.
i always clean the tub, so this was a no biggie.
d. tiles above the tub.
usually i just wash the part of the tub without the tiles and pretend i cant reach higher than 2 feet.
e. the floor
I NEVER CLEAN THE FLOOR. never. usually im like "daddddyyyy, mop the floor for me. plzzzz."

im incredible. i know. too incredible in fact. now i smell like cleaning stuff. err. well off to sleep.


squibbled Nis at 11:08 PM

cheesecake factory
today was a good day. it was the end of the "hellish week." although there are plenty of hellish weeks left of the sem, this one is over and done with. my test in chem was a test. there were probs that i was like WHAT pff and there were some where i was like 'wwwwwwhat! SIBERT WHAT ARE U DOING TO ME?" but i actually finished a test. finished a test. thats incredible considering in dieckmans class, i never never never fucking got even close to finishing a test. we'll get them back on mon. but today, today has been good. it feels good for everything to be over.

finally over.

after the test, we went to cheesecake factory. we often go to cheesecake factory, for fun, amusement, and good food. so we are seated really close to the couple next to us. from looking at them, we automatically notice a. republicans b. baptist christains (amys guess but i agree) c. ignorant pieces of shit. we sit and we talk, blah blah. on the tv, howard dean shows up. we talk about him for a second (i shit u not) and the begg of the end starts.

comments these fuckers said: no particular order--as they come to me.
1. "cornfuckles." or something like that. ill ask amy later.
2. "HISTORICALLY, the poor have had an easier time with democrats. i wonder why that was."
3. "howard dean, why some one ought send him to the moon. they need ppl in nasa."
4. "....she was going to vote for gore so i asked her what she was doing...."

(after i talk to amy, ill get some more. i think i blocked out most of it.)

after the 'historically' statement amy gets up and asks for new seats. and so we move. why? that was the responsible, democrat thing to do. what we would have loved to do is tell the ignorant pieces of shit how dumb they were. and they were dumb. dumb ass bitches. in honor of that, we get some cheesecake. yum. then we walk around stonebriar. get stalked by some ugly ass guys.

recitation was over quick cause all we had was a quiz.

koodos to amy for my "dem" sticker. way too fucking cool.

So it's over now, finally.
I'm beneath
I'm crawling out
On my knees.

I can hear what you said
Echoing in my head.
And I'm losing... myself.
Now I'm cold on the floor
I don't care anymore.
Cuz it's over... it's over

(I can feel. I can feel)
(Like it's real. Like it's real)
(I can feel. I can feel)

Now I can finally feel.
So I guess it's over now.
And you broke me down somehow.
Now I'm faltering.
I can see - I can be
I can leave and shut you out.

So I'm leaving now- somehow.
Underneath
As I slowly drown- finally

I can here what you said
Echoing in my head.
And I'm losing... mysef

(I can feel. I can feel)
(Like it's real. Like it's real)

I'm shaking deep inside.
I'm having trouble breathing.
I need somewhere to hide
Away cuz I am heaving.
I'm having trouble breathing.
Tomorrow I am healing

So I guess it's over now.
And you broke me down somehow.
Now I'm faltering.
I can see - I can be
I can leave and shut you out.
---trust company---finally
squibbled Nis at 3:18 PM

2.17.2004

rhet
im in college, sitting in class, sitting on the computer, thinking about nothing. nothing. ahhh goood timmmmesss. good times. i should be using this time to, oh i dont know, study for the test i have tommorrow. (which after some sleep i have overanalysed to be nothing of deep importance.) well it is, isnt it. i should study. should study. fuck that.
squibbled Nis at 10:06 AM

2.16.2004

five star
as if the lack of iq itself in my brain wasnt enough of a pain in the ass, lately i have been fogetting everything. memory has always been one of those things that i would cling too for the inclination of being "smart." if that goes, what is left? i suppose some creative abilities in the areas of drawing, writing and such. but that has served me no real purpose. as i recall, i only got a b- in world lit. that paper was the motherfucker. the teacher was a motherfucking bitch pussy ass horse shit bitchfuck.

im staring into my five star chem notebook thinking how i could gain 4 pounds in one day. when i enter the pantry every day to grab a coke, cookies, or various items usually marketed as "junkfood," i check my weight. as i held the can of diet dp in one hand, menacingly scrutinizing my dad for not buying regular, i placed myself on the scale (it took me 5 min {i shit u not} to remember the word 'scale'). WHAT, i screamed, in a high pitched squalor. for many days...weeks, i have lacked the will power to realize how 'snug' my jeans have become. blaming the washing machine/dryer served me fine these past few days....weeks. i will not go back to where i was last year this time. but i cant remember where i was then either, so huh, stuck. but still, i need to work out. cut down on calories and work out starting now.

i have a test on wed in chem. (the test in macro, which i took 3 hrs ago, allowed me to: a. able to sit next to incredibly drunk guys, one engaged, & one with 68 'bangles.' b. not sit next to adorable guy. c. wish i had a clue what negative externality is; but dont fret, i made up some shit. how about that? d. realize that true and false qs are a bitch.) in terms of chem, i wish i had some more time. i really do. some time as in maybe an extra week, month, or so. we went over some stuff today and all i could think was what? exactly what the fuck is this, dr. sibert. i mean, w-h-a-t. the more i think about chem, the more i realize i need to study. but as lazinnes runs thru my souless/heartless veins, i am incapable of getting off this computer. bc all i really want to do is sleep. ill admit it. all i want to do is sleep. but i know tommorrow at exactly this time, as i sit in front of the computer pissing about how i dont know anything for the test, which is only 12 hrs away, i will remember this moment and call myself a fucking dipshit. (self deprecation is what i do best.) but i have chosen the path of non-studying to study all day tommorrow. if i dont know enough of chem by tomm, well then fuck chem. all i can think about is switching majors!
squibbled Nis at 10:44 PM

procession
my rather "plantitive" mood has left me in the gutters of insanity. im experiencing hell as i call it. i have a test in macro in 4 hours. wow, much more time than i had expected. i have a test in chem on wed over alot of stuff which i do not recall. and i cant find a job. the finding a job thing is bothering me the most for some odd reason. chem should be bc that is the most important after this test in marco, which after considering i have 4 hrs, mite result in a semidecent grade. i only wonder where i am to get the motivation for all of this? college = decreasing motivation = decreasing gpa = cant see the end = need a break = sleep = time for nap? = no = depressed.

if i cannot see you from afar
look into your eyes, that hint of depth
hidden inside

if i cannot hear you from afar
whisper in my ear, rest assured that
you are near

and i know not what it's like
the aforementioned
for the distance between us
as are the stars, i only have you
in my imagination
in my imagination
just to love you
from afar

if i cannot kiss you from afar
press against your lips, taste the
sweetness of your breath

if i cannot touch you from afar
hold you in my arms, keep you warm
and safe from harm

though our circumstances
cause separation
in the absence
there's a presence in my heart
i will surrender, i'll surrender to my
quiet contemplation
my quiet contemplation
i'll just, i'll just love you
from afar

there must be a better way
a better way of passing the time
'cause' i can't seem to get her out
get her out of my mind
---Van Halen----From Afar


squibbled Nis at 2:16 PM

2.14.2004

odyssey
i keeping think about how things were the beg of November. maybe its to waste time bc im too lazy to study or maybe its cause im dumb. small things remind of stephen. lately, we have discussed how he is trying to be our friend again. i have no proof; i know nothing of the sort. but he has done many such things to make my mind wonder if this true or not. i could be imagining or over-analyzing or making this into something it shouldnt be, but in the end, i hate him.

squibbled Nis at 5:37 PM

Erie
Sun and Moon in Taurus
You were born with both the Sun and the Moon in Taurus. You are a quiet and persistent individual. You never give in to irrational impulses, unless your patience has been tried to its limits. Once you set your mind on a goal you are driven by such strong determination that you are assured of reaching it. You like clear, well-defined, solid ideas, and tangible things.

Because it is so important to you, you will acquire wealth all through your life, and your daily activities will involve handling tangible goods.

It is likely that you are a highly sensuous person, deriving much pleasure from knowledge and from the experiences of your senses. You are sociable, and able and willing to help others with their problems.

Though you possess the patience of Job, you may explode with volcanic force when you reach the limits of your patience. Since so much of your nature is placid and steady, these outbursts can wreck your inner equilibrium and should be avoided.

Ascendant in Capricorn, Saturn in the Tenth House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Capricorn was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Saturn is located in the tenth house.

The sign of Capricorn denotes an existence in which temperament is very important. You will give an image of ambition, persistence, will power, consistency and perseverance. You were born with the tendencies to seek material, social, and, perhaps, even political power.

Capricorn tends to a challenging life which forces you to exert all your resources in order to triumph. Because of your tact and prudence, you will be favored with the good will of important people.

Your mind is egocentric, rational and you have a natural tendency toward scepticism. Able to work hard, you will bear obstacles and frustrations with patience.

You will proceed with prudence in your love life and in all other activities. You will seriously consider all of the ramifications of a relationship, especially the aspects of your independence, and you will not commit yourself to a partner until you are sure of your choice. After that however there is a tendency to conduct a peaceful and quiet life.

You are very economical in your daily activities, and if you do not exert some control over this trait, it could appear as rather mean.

You are best placed in governmental, municipal, political, or large business organizations where hierarchy is very exactly defined. The key word for your professional orientation is responsibility.

This position indicates a striving for political or social power. Your attitude towards higher pursuits will be meditative and rational. You will be inclined towards philosophical and scientific activities, losing interest in reform and politics. A rise in life would be nevertheless difficult. Saturn is slow and gives accomplishments only after much hard work and perseverance.

Moon in the Third House
The Moon appears in the third house at the time of your birth Your intellect is very sensitive to external events always changing and adjusting to the situation.

Memory is strong and of a pictorial nature. The mind, however, is liable to become too subjective and shallow with an overemphasis on superficial learning and with little practical use or lacking in intellectual sensibility. On the favorable side, there exists a vast reservoir of creativity which could be successfully applied to such pursuits as writing and poetry. Physically, the Moon will give you an intensely active life full of changes, mobility and fluctuations.

The demands of this position are simple: exert yourself in acquiring better control of your unstable and persistent imagination, increasing, thereby, powers of concentration and you will find delightful improvements not only at a mental level, but also in the ability to communicate with others more realistically.

Venus in the Third House
Venus was in the third house of your horoscope at the time of birth. You are keenly interested in the creative arts, and your thoughts and words are surrounded by a halo of beauty, taste, and proportion. Your mind actually feels the emotions connected with nature and the higher aspects of things human. Venus here augurs pleasant and kind relations with members of your family; the disposition of your intellect is congenial, youthful, and attractive.

The keys to a better integration of both your mental and emotional functions consist of deepening your personal relationships and of turning the mind inward so that you may be able to know the world better by means of true self-knowledge.

Sun in the Fourth House
The Sun appears in the fourth house at the time of your birth. This is an indication that parental name, family affairs and other domestic matters are of the utmost importance in your life.

Sun brings honor, pride, and fame to anything under its influence, and it is indicated that the problem of these influences here is that proper success for you cannot materialize until you are well past your mature years. There appears to exist a very strong attachment to one of your parents.

You believe in being the "ruler" in your home, and the sense of privacy is extensively developed in your nature.

As life passes you will experience illuminating insights connecting your individuality with certain racial and family elements. Study them. You will then perhaps discover the nature of the spiritual mission which destiny requires of you.

Saturn in the Tenth House
Saturn was found in the tenth house at the time of birth. This a very challenging position for a person who seeks worldly success. The inhibiting powers of Saturn are expressed in a heavy, cautious, and very serious personality. Many of the limitations that will arise throughout life result from your own psychological disposition which is oriented to narrow bounds. The key to a satisfactory solution of the various problems that will arise throughout life lies in your ability to endure difficulties with patience.

Inwardly there are ambitions, aspirations, and thrift; properly projected these psychological characteristics could yield power, an image of pride, and a perpetual craving for material objects and worldly wealth.

squibbled Nis at 3:46 PM

plausible question
how do you make a snowman?

rather dumb q. i understand yet, i live in tx. so how do u make a snowman. i tried gathering snow and put it on top of another. then i tried putting it in pots and pans. then i just threw snow around pretending i had someone to throw it too. wow, pathetic. thats ok. i already knew i was. snows pretty much melting now. ahh but i had fun and drenched. my hands were so cold. its really easy to make a snowball, i just realized. when you would watch (in the movies) ppl fighting, id be like oh can u really make a snowball that thick. hell yea u can. wow. the amazement of H2O particles. ahhh good times. i want to go back out there. hmm. should i? um yea no. thats ok.
squibbled Nis at 11:26 AM

ITS SNOWING IN TEXAS
when the meterologist said there will be snow in tx, never did i think it would be snowing in dallas and there would be an accumulation of the snow, too. BUT THERE IS!!!! and its still coming. how wonderful. how wonderful.

our county wasnt supp to get any snow. but WE DID. ahahahah.

my camera doesnt have any battery left, so i cant take a picture. boo boo. but thats ok. im going out and im going to play in the snow (by myself) and make a snowman. im going to make the biggest snowman i can. ill get frostbite, but i dont CARE. i want to make myself a snowman.

see, i think this is the perfect valentines day. well not for me but, i mean perfect if u have a bf or significant other who you can go out in the snow with and fool around with and then go inside and curl up with hot cups of cocca. how cute. i think playing in the snow is so much better than a romantic dinner. but thats just me.

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
since you took your love away
since you've been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
but nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues,

'cause nothing compares
nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
like a bird without a song
nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
tell me baby where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms round every boy I see
but they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor guess what he told me
guess what he told me
he said girl you better try to have fun
no matter what you do
but he's a fool

'cause nothing compares
nothing compares to you

All the flowers that you planted mama
in the backyard
all died when you went away
I know that living with you, baby, was sometimes hard
but I'm willing to give it another try

nothing compares
nothing compares to you
---sinead o'connor---nothing compares to you
squibbled Nis at 10:42 AM

2.13.2004

peace prize
i consider myself an intelligent person. i know things about politics. but i missed something so incredibly, incredibly ludicrous and wrong, that my jaw dropped with the sudden jolt of the news. now if ure a democrat/liberal like me, you need to sit ur ass down bc u will be shocked beyond doubt. SHOCKED.

bush is being nominated for nobel peace prize. nobel peace prize? those are reserved for ppl who help ppl, not fuck ppl over for selfish reasons. it should be given to someone who cares about the world.

i cant write anymore because ive had such a horribly tiring day.

but ill write later. or tomm. all i want is sleep. sleep.

forget today every happened.

we saw brett. AHHHH BRETT in his pj's, thats as close to seeing his boxers. ohh man. hes so hot. HOOOOOOOOOOT.

we described what kind of man sibert IV really is. a wonderful, sexy, snacy dresser, sexy voice, who will cook u breakfast in bed kinda man.

but still got to go. youth. boo. boo. boo.
squibbled Nis at 5:37 PM